When the Devil tells us We're Unworthy

My day always starts out kind of crazy....

A screaming toddler, two hungry boys, and then the thoughts that bounce around my head like bumper cars...

Those thoughts usually go something like this: What are my plans today? Oh yeah I gotta go here or there....I wonder how much school I planned for the boys today ( yes I actually forget most of the time)...Oh yeah..food. 

But today the first thing I heard in my head caused a little break in my soul and it sounded something like this:

Who do you think you are, you are not a good mother, send them to school...your husband thinks you're the worst wife...your family thinks your a burden and bother why even try...you will never be good enough you should just go back to bed...

Do these thoughts sound familiar to anyone else? I hope not, because these are dark thoughts and they are not the thoughts that the Holy Spirit is sending you...they come from the father of lies. I struggle with these thoughts way more than I would ever care to admit to anyone, isn't it ironic that the thoughts that make us feel ashamed cause us further shame and guilt for feeling them...guilt and shame are a vicious cycle.

After I ran through them a couple of times...I stopped and I closed my eyes and just screamed in my head...NOT TODAY! Not to necessarily stop them, but it was more thing that I was thinking about and I don't have time to feel these things...

See just like so many women and girls and even men I know struggle with those words

Not Good Enough.

Unaccepted.

Undesirable.

Unworthy.

but then I heard it..the small still voice

Sweet girl, I know it's tough and I know life has been hard. People have let you down and made you feel less than, people you trust have made you feel ashamed for things out of your control

I promise you there is a plan and a purpose, I promise you that I have you in my hands and I hold you in my arms

You are my daughter, a princess, and I created you in my image... I forgave you for your past already, you need to forgive yourself and realize that you don't have to live with your head down or in fear of disappointing people, if they see you through my eyes they will love you just the way your are

I know that this life has not and is not easy, just hold on...

See the word of God says different

You are his beloved.

You are desired by the God of the Heavens.
.
Jesus took your shame and guilt with the cross.

He loves you.

In comparison to all of this, what does the world have to offer but guilt, shame, lies....

In Light of his love and sacrifice all these thoughts fade away.

So next time you hear Satan screaming in your head everything that is wrong with you...whisper back (or scream from the top of your lungs)...you hold no power over me...God's word is true and sharper than a double-edged sword and he says this about me...

For you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body -1 Cor. 6:20

The LORD will fulfill his purpoes for me; your steadfast love, oh LORD endures forever - Psalm 138:8

There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus- Romans 8:1

You knit me together in my mother's womb; I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:13-14

I can do all things through him who gives me strength- Philippians 4:13

I have died, but Christ lives in me. And I now live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave his life for me- Galations 2:20

Since you are honored and precious in my sight and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. -Isaiah 43:4

Women of Judgement

A few days ago, for what seems like the thousandth time, someone commented about the amount of children I have (it's only three, which by my friends standards is actually not that many). I get one of three questions/comments: 1) Oh you have a handful, bless your heart (in southern terms that is not really a compliment)...2) Are you going to have anymore? (my answer: no, but not by choice, my uterus gave up on me!) 3) You look too young to have kids (yes I am technically a little young, but when and who decided the right age to have kids)...

I only bring this up, because my heart hurts for the women of our day. We never encourage or lift up or build the woman around us. We only criticize and second guess them and chastise them for not doing things in order, or on time, or for procreating "too much". We criticize each other for working, for homeschooling, for staying home, for needing a break, for not taking a break, for our weight, for not going to school, for being selfish and finishing school, for being too perfect and cooking all the time, or never cooking at all, for getting married young and or for getting married too late or not getting married at all. We get criticized for having children or not having them. We blame the media and the current state of technology and communication for all of this, but those are just excuses:

TRUTH:  All of these criticisms come from other women directed towards women. We do it without thinking and without regard for what others are facing. We are the ones that emphasize weight and body image, marriage, childbearing, education, etc. If you do it in an encouraging way, it's okay, but lets face it, most of the time we are throwing out judgement.

BUT what if we made a promise to only say encouraging things to other women. To make sure they know that someone is there and with them and that they are not alone. That the decisions they are making for their families and themselves are not bad simply because we would not make the same decision. If someone is making a detrimental decision there are ways to talk to them without making them feel like a failure. Could you imagine if every women heard they were beautiful and that their lives had value regardless of their circumstances, decisions, past, their size every day, how something so simple would transform our world. Little girls would grow up encouraged and feeling of value.

If we raise women of virtue and help to encourage the women around us, this is what the bible says of women of virtue:

For her worth is far above rubies -Proverbs 31:10

If the girls and women around us become women who know who they are and women who are encouraged and lifted up and built up by Christ and by the women around them, then our world becomes full of strong, graceful women whom nurture and love and give to those around them. Our communities, schools, families, marriages, churches become dramatically different!

Looking Forward to the Week

So needless to say this holiday season has been CRAZY!

4 Stomach Bugs resulting in missed Christmas
4 Family Christmases
Kidney Infection to ring in the new year.
Hysterectomy Recovery and Pulmonary Embolism recovery to bring in Thanksgiving

A wild and crazy 1 year old to keep things interesting, a whiny five year old who is going through a phase of not wanting to eat, and a bossy seven year old...

No, I really do love my children #mostdays.

On the bright side, Mike and I are venturing into the journey of actually committing to a budget, my kids in their own words, had the "best Christmas ever!", Michael was blessed beyond imagination with a nice bonus from work, we got to spend a lot of time together (even though we were sick), and I have had plenty of time to reflect on this year. 

It has been full of UPs and downs!

I left one job for another, got laid off from that job in unfortunate circumstances, I started the insane journey homeschool (and successfully survived the semester), we celebrated our children's 1st, 5th, and 7th (NOT OKAY) birthdays, and I completed another 15 hours of graduate school. 

Emily has grown so much this year, she is in 2t-3t clothes (She's sooo tall!), she talks, and jumps, and dances. This is one of my favorite times in children's lives. They just change and grown and are so much fun to watch.

Caleb has made huge strides in his speech and in school. We couldn't be prouder!

Jeremiah had a year full of mostly baseball, of which he loves and is so good at. He has become such a responsible, chill, sweet, affectionate young boy. I can't believe my original is grown so much and matured so much!

This year despite all the craziness has really been a year of revalations for me. I found my sister from another mother in Allison and have just been so blessed by that relationship and am a better person because of her and I formed a friendship with all of these ladies from church and couldn't have made it without them. We have prayed, laughed, cried, cheered, sung, and even cooked for each other. Their support has been amazing.

God has blessed my family and I immensely this year. I am excited to see what next year holds!



Next Week,
We go back to routine with school for both me and the boys and back to the daily grind. I am actually looking forward to daily routine to come back into play.

My meal plan for this week:
Tonight: Burgers
Friday:White Bean Turkey Chili
Saturday: Crockpot Seafood Paella
Sunday: Lemon Garlic Tilapia with Brown Rice and Asparagus
Monday: Herb Chicken Skillet with brown rice, spinach salad, and corn
Tuesday: Slow Cooker Chicken Parmesean
Wednesday: TACO NIGHT!!
Thursday: Black Bean Chicken Soup

I have class this week on Tuesdays and Thursdays
First Sunday of the year at church
We have baseball lessons tomorrow and one day next week

It should be a fun week!

Hope all have been blessed with a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!